If you're tired of doing the searching yourself, a matchmaker can sound like a relief. Someone who listens, does the looking, and only introduces you to people worth meeting.
But matchmaking services vary a lot. Some charge tens of thousands of dollars up front. Some are little more than a dating app with a phone call attached. And a few make promises no one can keep.
These nine questions will help you tell the difference, whichever service you're considering, including ours.
1. Who will actually choose my matches?
Ask whether a real person reads your profile and picks each introduction, or whether software does the matching and a person simply passes it on. Both exist. If having a person's judgment is why you want a matchmaker, make sure you're getting it.
A good answer: "A matchmaker reads your profile and chooses each introduction herself, and tells you why."
2. How do you check that members are who they say they are?
You're trusting the service with your time and your safety. Ask what happens before anyone is introduced: an ID check, a live selfie check, a personal review, or nothing at all.
A good answer: a clear description of the check, done before any introduction.
3. Where do your members live?
A service is only as good as the people in it near you. Ask how they find people in your area, and how far apart introductions usually are. If you're only willing to travel a certain distance, say so now.
4. How many introductions should I expect?
Be wary of a fixed number promised every month. A good match can't be scheduled. Ask instead how they decide when to introduce you to someone, and what happens in a quiet month.
A red flag: a guaranteed number of dates, whatever happens.
5. What does it cost, all in?
Ask for the full cost in writing: membership, any setup fee, introduction fees, and any "success fee" if you end up in a relationship. Then ask what you pay before you get anything. Some firms take a large package payment up front. Others charge monthly.
Typical ranges in the US, to give you a sense of scale:
- Premium retainer firms: often $25,000 to $100,000 or more a year.
- Boutique packages: often $3,000 to $15,000 for six or twelve months, mostly paid up front.
- Monthly memberships: from under $100 a month.
6. Can I pause or cancel, and what happens to my money?
Life happens. Ask whether you can pause, how you cancel, and whether any of your payment comes back if you leave early or no introduction has been made.
7. Who sees my profile?
Ask whether your profile is ever public or searchable, who inside the company reads it, and whether your details are shared with anyone else. Your contact details should stay private until you choose to share them.
8. What happens after an introduction?
Do both people have to say yes before you can talk? Can you give feedback? Will your matchmaker use it next time? The best services treat every introduction, including the ones that don't work out, as a way to understand you better.
9. What kind of people do best with you?
An honest service will tell you who it suits and who it doesn't. If the answer is "everyone," keep asking.
Red flags to walk away from
- Pressure to sign today, or a "discount" that expires at the end of the call.
- Guaranteed results, or a promised number of dates.
- No clear answer on what you'll pay in total.
- No identity check on members.
- Reluctance to put the terms in writing.
Where Spark Twice fits
We're a matchmaking service, so here are our own answers, plainly. A matchmaker personally reviews every member and chooses each introduction, and we may ask a member to confirm their identity with a selfie check before an introduction. We welcome members across the United States. It's free to join, you choose a plan only after you're accepted, and you aren't charged until we send your first introduction. Plans start at $57 a month, with no setup, introduction or success fees, and you can pause or cancel any time.
Whichever service you choose, ask all nine questions. A good matchmaker will be glad you did.
The Spark Twice team
